Sunday, October 11, 2020

The Great Covid Quiz

 Taken from The Spectator. 

From the comfort of your own home, you can take part in The Great Covid Quiz and win! The government is giving away billions and billions of pounds in prizes. Simply answer 10 questions correctly and you could win prizes ranging from a furlough to a wheelbarrow of Rishi cash. Get one wrong and you risk being quarantined and your team sent into lockdown

You have 60 seconds to answer 9 questions. Go!

1. What is a ‘support bubble’?

a)     A group of up to 100 people with whom you share an experience of being barricaded into a student accommodation block

b)    A group of friends who provide emotional support to each other during intense periods of despair about the Covid regulations

c)     The mutually ‘supportive’ relationship between TV news broadcasters and catastrophising Covid forecasters

2. What is a ‘Matt Hancock’?

a)     A medical condition, under which the sufferer maintains an enthusiastic disposition resulting from extreme naivety.

b)    A small animal that performs in a perpetual circus

c)    The word for an unforced error

d)    The Minister of Fear

3. What are the rules about going to the pub?

a)     You can go with someone from your own household, but you must drink shandy through straws

b)    You can meet people from other households, as long as you sit at separate tables and shout to each other and do not sing

c)     You can go to the pub on your own, but you must drink yourself into depressed oblivion before 10pm

d)    This question is irrelevant; the pub is bankrupt

4. What does ‘Follow The Science’ mean?

a)     Assess the full range of scientific opinion and pick the one that is most shocking

b)    Do whatever you have just persuaded your advisors to say

c)     It’s a phrase you use when you hope that someone else knows what they are doing

d)    You have no idea, you studied Classics at university

5. How does the government decide which towns to lockdown?

a)     Northern towns where people still talk to each other

b)    Northern towns where people still drink in pubs together

c)     Northern towns where people still live as families

d)    Northern towns, situated in the north.

6. What are the rules about sporting events?

a)     You can participate in sporting events that involve shooting things

b)    You can stay healthy by watching sporting events on the television

c)     You can attend a football match, but you must watch it on the television in the club bar and the windows overseeing the pitch will be blacked out

d)    The only sport allowed is guessing which regulations are in place at any one time

7. What is ‘herd immunity’?

a)     Population immunity from an infectious disease

b)    The government’s policy of treating the population like cattle

c)     The herd of government advisors who are protected from criticism

8. Which is the most outlandish conspiracy theory?

a)     The Chinese Communist Party released the virus to stress-test western societies

b)    Bill Gates wants to inject us with microchips

c)     The government has been replaced with green lizards from the Bilderberg Group

9. How will it end?

a)     When the last fragment of Covid-19 is finally stamped into oblivion and every granny can roam free

b)    When Nicola Sturgeon leads a victorious invasion of England in the final War of Calvinist Lockdown Against The Sinners

c)     When some grown-ups are put in charge

d)    It won’t. This is it. Forever. This is the beginning of The End

But you said we had to answer 10 questions. Well, true to form Boris' lot lied to you!

Friday, October 09, 2020

Madrid under state of alarm

 The Spanish Cabinet on Friday declared a state of alarm in the Madrid region, in a bid to combat the spread of the coronavirus and after failing to reach an agreement with the regional government on the measures that should be implemented. The details of the state of alarm were passed via a decree and published in the Official State Gazette (BOE) at 5pm, coming into force from that moment.

The government opted to use a state of alarm to give the new coronavirus restrictions that were agreed on last week by a majority of the country’s regions a new legal framework, after the perimetral confinement of municipalities with a high incidence of the coronavirus was struck down by the Madrid High Court on Thursday.

The restrictions included in the BOE reintroduce the perimetral confinement of the capital and eight other municipalities in the region, and anyone trying to leave these areas for the long weekend – Monday is a national holiday – will face fines. Here are the measures now in place in the cities in question:

No one can leave or enter the following municipalities, apart from if their journey is justified: Alcobendas, Alcorcón, Fuenlabrada, Getafe, Leganés, Móstoles, Parla and Torrejón de Ardoz. The city of Alcalá de Henares was included in the lockdowns last Friday, but has been taken off the list after its coronavirus data improved, Health Minister Salvador Illa explained on Friday. Justified reasons include work, visits to the doctor or other reasons of force majeure.

Within the affected municipalities, citizens are able to move freely, but the government has advised against all unnecessary journeys and activities.

The state of alarm will be in place for 15 days, and will have to be approved by the Congress of Deputies if it is to be extended.

A maximum of six people are allowed to meet in public or private throughout the whole region, except for activities where specific limits have been established.

Stores and establishments such as gyms and hairdressers must limit capacity to 50%, and must close by 10pm.

Bars, restaurants and betting houses will be limited to 50% capacity inside and 60% outside, with consumption at bar counters prohibited. They will have to close at 11pm apart from for food deliveries.

The capacity in sports venues, both outside and inside, is reduced to 50%, with a maximum of six people for group sports with the exception of official competitions.

Academies and private training or teaching centers will see their capacity reduced to 50%.

In places of worship, capacity is reduced to a third, with a minimum distance of 1.5 meters. At funeral wakes, there is a limit of 15 people outside, and 10 inside.


Friday, October 02, 2020

Blame Alex